


though you are not here to hold me

by HuiLian



Series: Dick and Dami Week 2019 [6]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Bruce is on a very minor role here, Funerals, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 12:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18476083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuiLian/pseuds/HuiLian
Summary: in the echoes I can hear your voiceBatman lives, always. It is not so for Robins and Nightwings (and Bruce Wayne).





	though you are not here to hold me

**Author's Note:**

> For Dick and Damian Week. Better late than never?  
> And I'm cheating. I'm combining the day 6: rain, and day 7: Separation. Enjoy!
> 
> title from Mary Poppins Returns

 

It is not raining on Bruce’s funeral. Why would it be? Dick has specifically chosen a day that is suitably cloudy, but not raining. He thinks it fits Bruce’s life. Taking all the darkness into himself, and never letting it back out again. Yet Dick still expects the day to be raining. Why?

Not expects, really. Dick wishes that it would start raining. Because at least if it is raining, he could cry. His wish didn’t come true though. The day remains only cloudy, and so Dick’s cheeks remain dry. He couldn’t afford otherwise, with all the other people in attendance. Now that Dick had decided that he would wear the cowl (He still can’t think of it in terms of ‘being Batman’. He’s just filling in. He’s not Batman.) all the other people in attendance, all the other heroes, need to see him as Batman. That means no tears.

Batman lives. Always. Bruce Wayne, on the other hand, does not. And therein lies the problem.

Amongst all the things Dick needs to do, solve, and generally handle, is Damian. Bruce’s son. Talia’s son. Dick honestly cannot send Damian back to his mother. Not with a good conscience. And the world cannot know that Bruce Wayne had a son with Talia al Ghul. It would definitely ruin their secret identities. So for all intents and purposes, Damian Wayne is now an orphan.

Well, not quite. They haven’t released the information that Bruce Wayne has died yet. But after that, Damian Wayne will be an orphan.

Another child being orphaned. Another casualty that Bruce, and then Dick, has vowed to keep from happening. Dick knows that the main reason Bruce becomes Batman is so no other child feels what he feels. And now his own son is an orphan.

From all previous encounters, and all the interactions Dick has had with Damian after Bruce’s death, Damian does not require nor desire any comfort from Dick. He even made a point to outright reject Dick’s attempt to comfort him. But the sight of Damian staring down at Bruce’s grave reminds Dick of himself, years ago, staring down at his own parent’s grave, several plots away from Bruce’s grave.

Did Bruce himself stare down _his_ parent’s grave?

Dick remembers Bruce putting a comforting hand at his shoulders, a reminder that he is there. Dick took it for granted, then. That strong hand on his shoulders. He thought that it was just something people do for unfortunate orphans. Now he wonders if Bruce himself has someone who puts a comforting hand at his shoulders when he was attending Thomas and Martha Wayne’s funeral. Was it Alfred? Or was it Commisioner Gordon? Dick knows that Jim Gordon was the police that handled Thomas and Martha Wayne’s case.

No matter whether Bruce had a hand on his shoulders, the fact remains that he gave Dick one. It was only right that Dick do the same for his son at Bruce’s own funeral.

God, Bruce is dead. Dick’s _father_ is dead.

But _Damian’s_ father is also dead, and the only one that remains to give him comfort, even an inadequate attempt at it, is Dick. Dick walks towards Damian and puts his hand on Damian’s shoulders.

He wonders if Damian also wishes that the day was raining so that he may be able to cry for his father, or if Damian has not known Bruce long enough to cry at his funeral.

(In the back of his mind, Dick also wonders if it was raining at Thomas and Martha Wayne’s funeral. If the rain disguises Bruce’s tears. Or if the funeral was the moment Bruce decided that he would never cry again if he could help it.)

***

It _is_ raining at Damian’s funeral. It is as if the universe itself grieves at the loss of such a life. It is as if the universe gave permission for Dick to cry at this funeral.

It should have been him.

Damian leapt to save Dick. It should have been him. It should have been him.

Why wasn’t it him?

Dick wants to say something, but Damian was not _his_ son. Damian was Bruce’s. And so Dick listens to Bruce give an eulogy for his son.

Dick thought that burying one’s parent was hard enough. It was nothing compared to burying one’s child.

No, Damian was not Dick’s child.

So, after, Dick walks back to the Manor with Tim, leaving Bruce with Alfred at Damian’s grave. At Damian’s _grave_.

The rain keeps pouring down Dick’s back. He wonders what it would feel like to just give himself in to the rain, to let go. He wonders, he wonders what he lies he have to tell to the world, so that the world does not know what Damian Wayne is Robin.

He wonders what he would tell Damian’s pets.

The rain keeps pouring. With every step he took towards the Manor, Dick’s desire to stay at the graveyard grows. The rain keeps pouring.

What he would give to let the one being six feet under be him.

Dick cries, and it felt like his tears can create a rain by itself.

***

Drake told him about Grayson’s funeral. Grayson was not buried as Richard Grayson. He was buried as Nightwing, who just happens to be a man with the name Richard Grayson.

It was not raining at Grayson’s funeral, Drake told him. Why that would matter, Damian does not know. It seemed important for Drake.

(Maybe it was because it _was_ raining at Damian’s funeral. Drake told him that too.)

Nevertheless, even if it was not raining when Grayson was buried, it is raining now. Damian lets his head rests on his own headstone. He died to save Grayson. He died so Grayson can live. Now Grayson is also dead?

Damian knows that Grayson’s death saved hundreds, of not thousands of lives. Damian does not care. Grayson was supposed to live. Grayson was supposed to _live_.

Did Grayson’s eulogy talk about him? About his smile, his laugh, and his carefree way of live. About his kindness and heart. About his persistence? Or did Grayson’s eulogy only talk about Nightwing?

The rain keeps on pouring. One drop rests on the dash between Grayson’s date of birth and date of death. The drop manages to cover the whole dash that represents Grayson’s entire life. It seemed wholly inadequate to represent all the years Grayson has lived.

There should have been more years to Grayson’s life.

Damian is alone. He can afford to cry. His tears will just merge with the rain and penetrates the earth along with them. Besides, it was Grayson who taught him that crying does not equal weakness. Grayson won’t mind Damian crying at his graveside.

(How he wished that the tears that falls down the earth that covers Grayson’s grave can be enough to bring Grayson back to life.)

***

**Author's Note:**

> check out my tumblr (huilian.tumblr.com)
> 
> you can't believe how many funerals I googled for this fic


End file.
